The Night Before Christmas, Crypto Edition

Spec work for Celsius Network’s holiday campaign.

‘Twas the day before Christmas, and I’d just arrived
From from a six hour flight, barely alive,
To Aunt Tish’s house, all covered with snow,
Wondering what the hell I could talk about besides crypto.

It was merry and bright, tinsley and cute,
Their rescue dog, Ted, sported antlers, to boot.
Tish handed me cocoa, asked “how was the flight?”
“I spent it reading whitepapers,” I blurted outright.

“Fun!” she said, her voice filled with dread.
“Now, I know you like crypto, but how about instead—”
But it was too late, she’d opened the door.
So I opened my mouth, and out did it pour:

Bitcoin! Ethereum! Exchanges and interests!
She tried to distract me with pictures from Pinterest.
“It could change your life! You can earn passive income!”
Then Pawpaw barged in, asking who stole his lip balm.

Tish ran to the bathroom to fetch some Chapstick.
Pawpaw grabbed my arm, then he switched topics:
“Tell me again how you can make millions
buying and selling those pictures of Minions?”

“If you want to know more about NFTs,
There’s a lot of competing philosophies—”
“Philosophies, phooey!” he walked off in a huff.
“Sounds like politically correct garbage and fluff!”

I went to the den, hands shoved in my pockets,
Willing myself not to check Reddit for hot tips.
Then I saw Cousin Chloe, in Tish’s best chair.
The blue light from her phone illuminated her hair.

We exchanged glances, I sat on the couch,
and I assumed cousin Chloe’s same slouch.
Then she poked my arm and I looked at her face.
“How are you liking those high yield rates?”

Her question was like a bright ray of sunshine.
“Dude, it’s been crazy! Can I show you mine?”
We opened our Celsius apps, and I swear…
It was the best chat with family that I had all year.